Still Standing

Life is always filled with ups and downs but when dealing with anxiety and depression those can get pushed to extremes. There have been some good things happening in certain aspects of my life but at night there has been a drastic uptake of nightmares.

Last night I had a dream that a skeletal creature tried to crawl into my bed beside me, it began shaking the bed violently and cackling. I cried out. I cried out both in my sleep and in real life. When I woke up I knew what the creature was. My anxiety, my insecurities, my demons.

I Still Stand

It moves in whispers

It follows me down in the dark

Cutting like the wind

Howling through the tombstones

A constant reminder

That I ought to be afraid

Chilled to the bone

And shivering

Up and down my xylophonic spine

I'll show you such wonderful horrors

Giving ascending and descending orders

Making sure you can never fly

Delving into ruins of resplendent color

Fractal masking causing catastrophic quakes

Until I wake and no longer see your face

Pursuing justice with the dawn

So this is the chase

With you my demon

Soft and replete

With stories to tell

So much for the meat on the bone

Saving skeletons won't yield much for the feast

Wandering to and fro with hearts for eyes

Hoping to become the bearskin rug at your feet

Salivating you see my hope and run

Flashing through these networks

As the daylight fades you find your foothold

To drag me down into the dark

These are the monsters

Afraid I'll outgrow

Hanging on for her

Hanging on for love

But I've grown weary of that voice

With those same tired nihilistic platitudes

There is nothing left of me that loves you

I've seen these better altitudes

The warmth of that primordial skin

Is something I have chased away

Another Winter came and went

With a reminder that I still stand

In all my other dreams I was warm, happy, cared for but that part of my psyche is not happy that I've been happier lately. It wants me all to itself. In the end though I am still standing and still hopeful that things will get better and I will outgrow the monsters in my head.